10 Things I Do at Work That No One Should Ever Do

I’m in my second year of Real Person status, and I’m probably one of the lucky twenty-somethings with my own office. And by own office I mean door and all (no cubes for me!)

My office is situated smack-dab in front of the kitchen (dream) and one of the vice presidents of my company resides in the office to my left. Directly to my right is a conference room, aka my “get out of jail free” card because if anyone was in there, they definitely aren’t paying attention to the noises coming from my office.

The door to my office is constantly open, and I drink one full bottle of water every hour requiring a bathroom trip eight times a day.

This so-called “privacy” and my drinking routine have led me to do some things that I hope others do too, but remain silent about. Thus I will list my secrets without any explanation.

10 Things I Do at Work That No One Should Ever Do:

  1. Tell the Vice President of your company your favorite curse word is “butthole”
  2. Go to work in the t-shirt you slept in
  3. Have a farting contest with yourself
  4. Pick up your shirt to itch your boob
  5. Zumba
  6. Purposely take the biggest poops in the bathroom when professionals I’m annoyed by are in there
  7. Scratch that itchy vagina (hands down pants)
  8. Pee on yourself (squatting causes this all to frequent accident)
  9. Fart walk (this is an uncontrollable movement of air that only gets worse with movement) unpreventable, but still just as inappropriate
  10. Trim your arm hair

I’d like to think I’m not the only one guilty?


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