“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”

I consider myself a pretty reasonable person, even rational sometimes, but not always. I can admit when I am being stubborn but I fight for what I think is fair. Fair is something to be debated, and often times, ignored. Like some, I found myself in a college relationship that has managed to exist well after college was over. He is wonderful- let me be clear, though, wonderful and perfect are two different things. He thinks he has the world and this relationship figured out, but I hate to break it to him that just because he “got around” in college does not mean he is a relationship expert. Our ideas of fair are very different.

Said boyfriend recently admitted to me that he will never apologize for something if he feels he did nothing wrong. What he didn’t know is that after several months of dating I had figured that one out (I’m much more intuitive than he gives me credit for). I think I was just shocked to actually hear him admit to it. Is this something he learned at home? Is this something he thinks is actually going to get him places? Any time we are in a disagreement he will say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or, “I’m sorry you thought that’s what I meant.” Never will he say, “I’m sorry that I did something wrong,” or, “I’m sorry that I messed up.” *There was one exception, over the course of our relationship and he DEFINITELY owed an apology. He words it so that I’m the one who is wrong or messed up. How effed up is that? Unfortunately, I have become accustomed to not needing an apology and letting things “go”. Right, because girls are so good at doing that. It doesn’t seem fair.

Is this something I can live with for the rest of my life? Yes, I see myself marrying him and having a family with him, but can I really go on knowing that I will never get an apology if I feel I deserve one? He did apologize that one time…is that enough to guarantee that he would apologize again if need be? Who knows. All I know is that I feel like I just realized that Santa isn’t real and the rug has been pulled out from under me. That seems fair, right?

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