Confessions of a Kindergarten Teacher

At 23 year old, I would consider myself an average yopro living outside of Washington DC.  I live with some of my best friends, have a full time job, get a little sloppy on the weekends, and occasionally, during the week.  I live for $2 mug night on Thursday’s, and of course, dread going to work the next morning.  Waking up with the pounding headache, the parched mouth, and the stomach that is yelling at you, saying “I am pissed at you for feeding me all that toxic shit last night.  Try and eat…see what happens,” is not fun for anyone, especially for me, a kindergarten teacher.  Now, let me preface this by saying that I work hard, I care about my kids, and by no means do I go to work hungover every day.  But there is the occasion….I mean I really have only been legally drinking for 2 years, right? Plus, sometimes a beer or 5 is the only thing that will cure a bad day. 

As my second year of teaching comes to a close, I have learned a lot about how teachers act outside of school, and want to impart some of my wisdom on you.  When you were in kindergarten, you may have thought your teacher lived in their classroom, but I have news for you…we have lives. As I look back on my own experience as an elementary school student and now as an elementary school teacher, I have come to a few conclusions.

  1. When your teacher looked tired and said they had a headache, they were for sure out until 2 am and were nursing a wicked hangover.
  2. Your kindergarten teacher was like 60, right?  Wrong. 
  3. When you accidentally let one out during class and all the other kids laughed at you, your teaching was laughing, too. Just on the inside.
  4. You can be sure that at some point in your life, your teacher told a story in which you were the butt of the joke.
  5. Your teacher did not know everything, and they absolutely did not have eyes in the back of their head. 
  6. We are more excited for Labor Day, Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, winter break, any President’s birthday, and summer than you were.
  7. You know how you would long for pizza day on Friday? So do we.  It’s the best thing for a hangover.
  8. Sometimes you deserved to get hit back by that kid you called poopypants, even if we have to act like it’s not ok.
  9. The first day of school is terrifying for all parties involved.
  10. Teachers are always broke because of all the shit we buy for you…you should probably start sending thank you notes to all of your past teachers. 

And now I’ll leave you with a little kindergarten good-bye…

See you later, alligator.

Bye-bye butterfly.

Be sweet, parakeet.

Blow a kiss, jellyfish

Give a hug, ladybug

Out the door, dinosaur

Take care, polar bear

See you soon, raccoon.

So long, King Kong.

Good-bye, said the fly.

-Ms. J

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