I hate that I feel like I have to be guarded now. You can never again have that “Here is my entire heart” feeling once you’ve been hurt. You do it once and you learn. You learn you shouldn’t ever give your whole heart to someone. Once you’ve felt that hurt, that literally heart wrenching feeling, you put a suit of armor on it. My armor was starting to come off. And then the littlest TINIEST dumbest thing makes the armor snap on even tighter. Because why would I put myself through that again? But what if….what if…it works out. What if you get to feel that love, that lightness, that feeling of utter joy. Is it worth it?
Don’t worry about where or who you’re going to be in five years. Like high school, you’re going to look back and wish you had done so many things differently. Know that and do them differently now. Focus on what’s in front on you. Work on the relationship you have with yourself first. Slow down. Enjoy today. It’s okay to not know. Eat alone in restaurants. Stop trying to prove something. Seek growth instead of validation. Shatter your veneer. Be heard. Draw boundaries. Pull from your Solid Self as much as you can. Sweat. Process (get therapy). Travel. Don’t compartmentalize people. Love fearlessly, even though you’ve been crushed before. Practice gratitude. Eat clean. Toss your scale. Pull yourself out of the victim position. Exercise your forgiveness muscle (you will need this). Don’t be concerned with what others think of you. Step out of line and jump into life, yours. Accept your story. Don’t chase paper. Seek truth. Be patient.
I can’t help but laugh along.